favourite songs for now...-
pour some sugar on me- def leppord*to be with you- Mr big*when i think about you - devynals*two wrongs don't make a right- Wyclef Jean*pink triangle - weezer*your winter- sister hazel*here we go again- whitesnake*no woman no cry - sublime*abuse me- silverchair*she hates me- Puddle of Mudd*betterman- pearl jam*make you mad- the odds*fishing in the dark- nitty gritty dirt band*let it be- john lennon*safety dance- men without hats* 3am- matchbox 20*completely miserable*the middle- jimmie eat world*song cry- Jay Z* insenstive- Jann Arden* Please don't say i love you -Jewel*i love a rainy night- Hawg Wylde* take me down to paradise city- Guns 'n roses*Vodoo- Godsmack*bad day- fuel*tiny dancer-elton john*goddamn right its a beautiful day-eels*amazing grace- dmx*she's my queen- disel boy*mr jones- counting crows*heres to yesterday - aerosmith*roll out- ludacris*

well- i am now less confused then i once was- but that doesn't say much, i am currently being forced out of my occupation as a bum, something that over the last 18 years i have all but perfected- it is to end. i have to get a job by september 1st or m parents will take drastic action- i have not yet discovered what this action will be- but drastic yes- this i know- SOOOOOOOOO sucks to have to find a job- but it hopefully will all be good
also sucks to have your friend get jumped by punk kids in a mc dicks parking lot- watch out all shits in maple ridge- ree hasn't gone off in a whole week- you may or may not feel her wrath....

well dudes- since i last posted life has been stuck at kind of a stand still, it doesn't feel like anything really has changed- but i konw that lots has
first weekend of the summer vaca my parents went away and i had a party- it was supposed to be pretty small- like around 75 at the most in my head kinda thing-- but no wrod got out and camping trips got cancled and yeah- upwards of 200 ppl came - i was a mess- i didn't drink ( thank god) but i was really nervous the whole time and couldn't just chill and enjoy myself, the breaking point of the evening occured on my glass in circled back deck- two guys started fighting and a few more joined in lots of ppl just stood around and watched - but me being me decided that i was going to throw a spaz- i jumped into the middle of things started yelling at everyone to get out- and ended up getting punched in the face< just about my top lip on the left hand side. > yeah - so the party got broken up after that- thanks to a lot of help from my friends < who also cleaned up my kitchen and helped me out in SO many ways>
the next major event was going to world youth day in toronto- it was crazy- there were alot of ppl and all the locals were really friendly and i ran into ppl from vancouver that i never see here < it felt so weird knowing that we had to travel to ontario to see each other> i saw the pope- twice - about a meter and a half away, it was great-
it also wasn't- we were sleeping on the floor in an elementary school- my group was lucky enough to be in the kindergarden room - which entitled us to our own toliet and sink- instead of having to share with 150 odd other girls, then on top of that the food was well cooked, nutritious - but hard to get and un plentiful, and really rather bland. alot of ppl in my group ended up getting sick or ingured- four of us couldn't walk to the park to see the pope- we took a taxi- and by some strange mericle were let thru all the police road blocks until we got to the site hospital- i was the second person to be registared in the hospital and i was suffering from manourishment, dehydration, exhaustion, some kind of chest/ throat virus, nausea, and to top thigs off i had extreme menstral cramps- sucks to have your body hate you eh?
we also took a week to tour around montreal, quebec city and ottawa- all beautiful cities with history- and lots of brick- i really enjoyed them i hope to return on my own in a few years
since i have returned i have met up with "old" friends, met some new ones, and been confused everyother step of the way

i want to sing and dance and cry and SLEEP! my grad was last weekend and now i am trying to study for exams and find a strip club that doesn't serve alcohol

its going to be a difficult journey, but life always is, this last week has had up down and sideways points, i feel like i have once again walked in on my parents marking prestents under the christmas tree with santa's name. i feel so disallusioned. At the same time i feel like a whole new feeling of understanding has come over me -whether or not that is a good thing remains to be seen....

is is better or overestimate ppl or underestimate them? which is more rewarding in the end?

well, here i am 18 and what do i have to show for it? b-day kisses and back massages and ppl sleeping in my bed! money clothes and smell good products all in a row.
i have Prep work up to my ass for exams, and now the first play( the fun one) that i was in might be starting again and i don' tknow if i can be excited about it yet or not? WHO KNOWS
mean while i am somewhat upside down- this week has been( and wil continue to be) the week of ex apperances, saw one at the mall - and he didn't rcognize me ( its been a while and differenet hair and lost some weight and whatever) but he checked me out ( very funny- ha hah) and another is going to grad with his new gf who goes to my school... anyhow FUN

its almost all over--well somethings already are, but soon my whole world will change- and thats okay- i think i like it- but not.

one of the two plays i was in is over, which makes me utterly despondant. it was such a great experiance and i met some really great ppl, forged some friendships that i hope will blossom, discovered that ordinary peeps can be superheros-- well not ordinary- but some pretty good actors...
i'm scared. my childhood is coming to an end, and what have i done with myself- nothing , i haven't accomplished anything that i wanted- but i guess i had to decide what i wanted to begin with before i accomplished it. everything is happening so fast i hope i remember to breathe- but for now sleep is a good thing, something i have been remiss in making time for- among many other things and ppl.

i never write in this thing, i really should do it more ofteni am so forgetful, i love it , it makes me feel better-- what ever that means

hah- proved right with reason to worry- but no longer worried by reason.

sk8r/thug boy and myself are no more- but i am all the happier for it- i realized something- i am capable of love- although i do not appear to have mastered it- and i decided to fall in with the "wrong" guy- but i learned from him - so i guess that makes him right
lesson: weakness is just weakness- and i don't need a guy- i just like them- and that is perfectly cool

also learned the you don't have to cry when you get kicked in the emotional gut in order to realease your inner female
anyhow- as usual i have neglected this blog of mine horribly- so here goes an attempt to update myself....
Currently involved in rehersal for two plays, as well as attempting to keep afloat in academic subjects- swearing unmercifily at my cafe teacher- and turning purple...meawhile my body once again hates me and it appears i am once again heading into the office of treatment via pills and prods. sometimes it would be nice to rip in half